Things seen and heard

I just want to share a few of the things that I have read or heard over the last 5 weeks that I have found bizarre, funny, or very apt. I'm sure that I am forgetting a ton!

"My maid can come to your house if you want. But she doesn't do laundry. Her caste doesn't wash clothes" - my friend Ruchir

"The country (India) is convinced it can pole-vault over the basics: develop world-class computer and management institutes without achieving basic literacy; provide advanced cardiac surgery and diagnostic imaging facilities while the most easily avoidable childhood diseases run rampant; sell washing machines that depend on a non-existent water supply from shops that are dark most hours of the day because of power cuts; support a dozen private and public companies offering mobile phone services, while the basic land telephone network is in terrible shape; drive scores of new cars that go from 0 to 60 in ten seconds without any roads where they might do this without killing everything inside and out, man and beast." - Suketu Mehta Maximum City

"I am diabetic and don't have water. My husband is also diabetic. We don't have water." - Veena my neighbour

"I need to sit down, I just had surgery." - Mrs. Chablani, my landlady

"She was yelling at me all night: do you not see the bags under my eyes and how tired I am. She yells at me in the street and on the phone!" - Mrs. Chablani about my neighbour

"Please honk" which is written on the back of large vehicles and some taxis. For those of you who know India, everyone honks ALL THE TIME. The first time I read this, I thought it was ironic. Equally amusing, signs which read 'Silence Zone'.

"Toilet Etiquettes" (it is already starting out well) in my building. Here are some of my favourites:

15. Do not indulge in gossip circles inside the toilets.
10. Don't peak under the doors, knock if you feel the toilet cubicle is occupied.
4. Squat only on squatting toilets, pedestal toilets are for sitting. (I didn't know there was such a thing as a pedestal toilet)
3. (and my personal fav) If one flush does not suffice, please wait and flush more than once to ensure your pee and poo are done away with. (I try to do this, but the water pressure is so bad that it takes about 10 minutes for the tank to refill)

Each cubicle has a hose and a nosel. I asked an American (at a very fancy doo) what it was for.

"I've lived here for 7 years and I only really understood what it was for last year! The hose is for the butt. And only the butt." -Melanie Abraham (prof at Standford, I think, and recent published author).

And often there is no toilet paper.

"Then you just drip dry!" -Namrata Zakaria, my editor at Indian Express (at the same fancy doo)